I am who I am.

Recently I have been feeling homesick often, but this year I have a lot going on as well. We are adopting and traveling soon. I am a junior in college, I am going to be an aunt, I am a lot of things. I am a sister, a follower of Jesus Christ. I am happy, and crazy and full of life most of the time. I am also sad, and emotional. I am a lot of things, honestly I never really planned the future as a child because i am not a planner at all, I am a procrastinator. But I am who I am. I am a college girl trying to figure out this amazingly beautiful thing called life. I am trying not to rush the experience, I have this amazing God walking along side with me, Even though somedays it is harder to have faith and trust, that is exactly what I need to do. I am not the typical follower of Jesus, I love my tattoos and piercings, but I have this amazing relationship with Christ no matter what anyone may say or see on the outside, Do i need to improve it, yeah i could make it better, but you know he is a patient God, even though I have questions, he answers them. Prayer is important and I seek solitude with him. He comforts me and loves me. I am a beloved, I am a lover of life, I am strong, I am passionate, I am a believer in miracles, I am a fighter for the underdogs, I am a light to those in darkness, I am second,
I AM A CHILD OF GOD. That is what I am and I am not willing to change for anyone, those who want to stay in my life and love me then they will accept that.

Ready,set,test?!?

I've come to learn that when you say something or pray about it God is going to put you to the fire. I moved back into the dorms August 9th our halls theme is security and serenity in Jesus. We are so punny that our is harder fourtress. But after leadership week started I got a call at 6:00 Tuesday night telling me that my papa was not doing well. He was unresponsive and unconscious they took him to ICU. That call shook my life. I had no idea what to feel or do. The week continued with leadership activities. Well Friday I got a call saying that he was not going to get any better. So I was playing on flying with my dad to attend the things I thought I needed to take on. Turns out God had other plans. He wanted me to look to him for comfort and security and that love only he could give. So I have cried my heart out but grieving will still take time. My papa finally went to rest in paradise on Tuesday the 18th of August between 7-7:30 pm. I learned that I am very much like my papa and great-papa we have huge hearts and are kind to all we meet. We show love and treat them nicely. It is hard to lose someone so close yet so far away. I know he loved me and I love him. He will always have a piece of my heart. I wish I could of talked to that amazing man today on my 20th birthday and have him say it to me. He never forgot. He will never see me get married or have children. His spirit will be in my heart and my husband and children will know about him. But that amazing man's passing was a test of mine. It was to show me where my rest and fortress really is. It isn't on this earth and the person who gives it to me is not easy to follow. You will be tempted and tried. You will fight your flesh and so many other things. At the end of the day God has never left my side he lets me cry out to him time and time again. And he says welcome back my child come into my arms. If that isn't true love and sacrifice then I don't know what is. My savior gave his only son for me. My sins were the nails in his hands. Your sins where the nails in his hands. Our sins are what held him up there. And still he said father forgive them for they do not know. Wow!!!! Mind blown!!! That's all I have for you today. You will be tested at some point in your life whether you believe that or not. Don't wait to ask Jesus in your heart because you never know when your last breath will be ❤️

Wandering through the wilderness

A few weeks ago I was helping my mom teach our youth. We were talking about the Israelites. One thing that stuck out to me is that they were kind of babies,they wanted everything now, and complained and whined when things didn't go their way. But they also wandered through the wilderness. Which reminded me a lot of what we (us in our twenties and high school age) we are like the Israelites. We want things now. We don't want to search or seek God. When wandering the wilderness the Israelites it was good for them. While wandering the wilderness. Seek God, who you are to be, what you are to be. What you believe. It won't be easy, you will find things out about yourself that you may not like. You don't have to worry about a boyfriend or girlfriend because that may be what's getting in your way. Or whatever may be holding you back from God. The wilderness is scary you dont know what the end may like look. You have many factors that may stop you for looking and figuring things out. The Israelites wandered for forty years trying to find themselves. Don't wander that long.In the end you'll likely either love it hate the person you are. But it's okay you can grow and change it is for the best. But growth can be a scary thing so listen to God always! 

Singleness...you won't be forever alone

A lot of people I know are getting married or are in a relationship. But to all those who are single, it is okay. God has a plan and person for you. We tend to focus on the small things. We worry yet rarely pray, CHANGE THAT! PRAY! He will give them to us when we and they are ready. Life will continue, I know it is hard right now. I have the same struggles. That it seem that we won't be able to live or continue on. Just because we are single does not mean you are ugly or repulsive, rather we are waiting. But it will happen on its own time. On the day you get married you will look back and wonder why you were so scared. But while you wait continue the plans God has for you, live life. Do adventures, camps, friends, continue to live life.

Persecution?! That wasn't part of the plan?!

In Night Chapel we talked about others in different countries who are persecuted for faith in Jesus Christ. The stand till the death with their faith. Faith tonight has hit me hard. I have faith I do but I need to strengthen it. All of this is because of religion. It is because people believing and having hope in Jesus Christ. Sooner than later we are going to have to go into hiding as well, I will not be able to blog and share the gospel this way. It will be illegal and darker times are to come. Whether you agree with me or not that is okay. It breaks my heart that others do not want to hear about this awesome amazing, glorious God. He makes things so beautifully but it is the hardest things. We will be killed for faith. If someone asks you if you believe in God with a gun held to your head what is going to be your answer. Mine would have to be yes, i do. Either way I am likely to die just being honest. So I will honor my God, I will not deny him. SO if I have to die for my faith then so be it. My parents, friends and loved ones will understand. It will not make the grief easier after all they lost someone but yet they know where I went. Life will not be easier with Christ. We have to praise him in the good and bad. In the mist of the struggle and terrible trial, you will still praise God. We will stop selling these things that make it seem with God everything is good. That is not how it is, we all know that. So many things go through my mind, but this one keeps going through "What is holding you back" is it fear of death. a chain, a past that you think you cannot leave?" What is it? I want you to honestly think about it, you dont have to give me an answer. I would love to know what it is but it isnt between me and you, it's between you and God. But I want to show you love and what reality is which is it wont be pretty, we are headed for some dark times, but yet the light shines through in the dark.

Fear is not for the faint of heart

Last night I was awoken by someone blasting their horn then followed by what sounded like gunshots. I went to find my RA and found out my side of the hall had awaken. We had called the police and were trying to figure out what was going on. So at 3:00 am those that had gathered decided to pray. It was then that I realized that although I go to a Christian University that there is evil that takes place. Your first instinct for most who are sheltered or have never experienced it before is fear. This made me realize do we as Christians often live our lives in fear. Do we not talk or share the gospel with someone because we are scared of them. Scared of rejection, scared of whatever it is. My future job is not a guaranteed safety. Those who I want to work with could do a lot of things.  I want to work with drug addicts, or any addictions and those who have been victims of human trafficking. But after this had happened, prayer and thought I have come to the terms. That sometimes I live my life in fear of a lot of things. So if I live in fear am I really living or am I just going through the motions. Some days I feel like I am just going through the motions and I have decided that is not what I want to do. I have decided it is time to fully rely on God, he is my protector and comforter. He is my Abba. I have come to terms that if I live in fear that is what will always be holding me back from what he has called me to do. There is evil in this world do realize this but their is also good in this world. Our world is becoming a dark place and that can be frightening but my place is not here on this earth. This is not my home, heaven is and that is where I find happiness and peace is in that knowledge. It is where I realize my full potential is when I stop being afraid of the world around me. Because whatever happens in this life God has already planned it.  So I hope that comforts you, I do not understand or do I want to begin to try and fathom what plans God has for me or for you. But I do know that I have a God who has called me to not live life in fear, and to trust him. Whether you believe this or not it is your choice. But I do know that fear is not for the faint of heart, but we do have a mighty God. So live your life and calling out. Please live each moment to its fullest.

Struggles,obstacles and perseverance.

So I want to start off by saying we all have different struggles in our lives. Demons as some may call them. I have them, you have them, we all have them. It like the flyers that people but on your windshield you know what I am talking about. Anyways when I went to church Sunday we talked about Gideon and the Israelites. It made me think we too often are like the Israelites and by that I mean when we fall back into our struggles we cry out to God and he saves us but then a few days later it happens again. Our personal demons are hard to deal with. I don't know what yours are but they are hard to defeat. But we have to have perseverance, we can't give up we have to continue on. We have to face them. We have to not only break our chains but you may have to completely destroy them. God  will not give up on you. Too often it is the other way around. So stand strong have your anchor in Christ. Get into the word daily, have nurturing talks, build each other up. We are strong. We are called to be warriors, world changers and loving. Obstacles will come along on the way but be prepared for the enemy comes in the night to steal,kill and destroy. But we will not be shaken. We will not fall back into our old habits and cycles. We will live not by the flesh but by the spirit. But if obstacles come up don't fall if you start to stumble I will be there and help you up. For we are to build each other up. We are brothers and sisters in Christ. We recognize souls not color. We love each other. So whatever comes your way. Whether it is this week, this month, 6 months. Before or after camp even during camp continue on. Even if it is crawling, for it is still moving foward. Listen to God take out the garbage in your life. Be like Gideon and listen for he will provide just like he did for Gideon and his 300 men who won a war. Trust and listen and you will persevere. For once God starts something in you he will finish it.

Come as you are

We all have different stories, different cultures, different influences. We have a ton of differences. But do we accept these differences or do we tend to shun or push people if they are not the same as us. Do we take the time to listen and actually hear where the person comes from. We are not the same and that is a fantastic thing. Lets be real I am not going to sugar coat it. If we were all the same we would be in a very sad and boring world. One without color, one without uniqueness, one without a lot of things. We need to recognize them because then we can make progress, if we don't then we wont be moving forward in anything. But the cool thing about being different is how and whom you get to come into contact with in your life. Take me for instance, I was raised in the typical white Christian family there is nothing wrong with this. But because of this I have had different experiences than the people I know who are black and raised in the ghetto area and may be the only Christian in their family or the only reason they are in church on a Sunday morning is because they have a grandma or neighbor who cares enough to pray and take them to church. We are different but we are brothers and sisters in Christ and we need to recognize it. Whatever it is we need to be okay with it. To some I may not look like the typical Christian. I love to hang out with the sinners because I get the chance to show light to them don't get me wrong I love Christians and fellowship with them. But some of the people who are unsaved show more mercy and grace than those who have chosen to receive God. It is weird to think about right. Take me for example I love tattoos and piercings and I have a few each of them tell a story. I want to work with human trafficking victims and drug and alcohol addicts. I will be real with them and tell them I have no idea what they are going through or have gone through because it the truth and I will be real with them. But we have to be willing to take people where they are at right now. Whether they are tweaking out, homeless, rich, poor, stuck in addition, self-righteous. Who have been to church since they were born to those who first sunday it is at 25. David Crowder has a song called come as you are which is just talking about what I was just talking about. It is so important to just love and give hope. Being a Christian is not about being about being better than someone else, because you were once in sin just like them, someone cared enough about you to give you hope and a future. We need to do the same thing. I may be different but I honestly love and care. I don't care where you have been or where you are but come to Jesus, the decision is yours to make. I wont say being a Christian will be easy because it wont be but it will be worth it in the end. If you ever have questions, comment and I will comment back and talk and explain the best I can. Just remember Jesus told the teachers that who is without sin to cast the first stone, and told a prostitute to go and sin no more because she is forgiven. You are not defined by your past, God defines you if you choose to take comfort in him as your savior.